"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, your ways are not my ways, saith the Lord" - Isaiah 55.8. I knew the Lord for eight years. I did everything they asked me to do, I attended all the meetings, but, with hindsight, I see that my approach was rather legalistic. I lacked love and I was very critical.

I was enrolled at a prayer at the School of the Master. Before going to bed at night, I asked Jesus to teach me during my sleep, all these concepts with which I struggled intellectually: justification, sanctification, glorification, love of God, the fruit of the Spirit , eternal life, etc ... Now the Lord has answered my prayer ... To give me a new understanding of Christian life, it made me go through the hard school of suffering . This period lasted about thirteen years. Here are the main events:

First event: the suicide of my son

On Wednesday, December 6, 1989, I was preparing to go to my prayer meeting. According to my habit, I opened my TV and watched the news by taking a bite. We announced that a gunman had just shot-crazy 14 young girls before killing himself at the École Polytechnique de Montréal . I was dismayed by this news and asked us to pray for the mother of this young man. The next evening, I learned that the mother was me! I was in shock! My son whom I loved and in whom I have great hope was the perpetrator of these heinous crimes . He was 25 years.

The purpose of this article is not about my recovery, so readers interested in this aspect of my testimony will oversee the publication of the New Life Magazine, where I elaborate on how God has raised me.

Second round: The suicide of my daughter

My daughter also had been traumatized by the events of Polytechnic. She no longer lived with me, but when she visited, she told me the comments of teachers and students in college. She was deeply hurt.

She had heard of Jesus and knew the plan of salvation, however, she never followed the Lord. It was another god, drugs, and the latter was killed ...

During the last twelve hours of his life, I stayed by his side and told her I loved her. I held her hand and told him about Jesus. I know she heard me because I saw changes on the monitor. She died at the age of 27 years. Another hope disappointed ...

What are the lessons I learned during the test?

The biggest lesson is to believe in Jesus and put my trust in Him, whatever the circumstances. My faith must be proven for me to "enter into the works prepared beforehand for me" - Eph 2.10 . God prepares us to serve and glorify his name, but not according to our own forces, according to the power of his Spirit.

Another lesson I had to learn is that God loves me. This concept, so difficult to grasp (because I convinced myself my whole life that people disliked me and they were interested in me only to exploit me) had to spend my head up my heart.

In the Epistle to the Romans, we read: "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword " - Rom 8.35

I have learned that agape love is not a question of sentiment but of obedience. It is God who makes love in our hearts. I had to appropriating God's promises because He is not a liar.

Therefore, another lesson was learning patience. Indeed, God always answers prayers. His answer may be yes, no or wait!
The Bible exhorts us to this effect: "Make every effort to add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control patience, patience, piety, godliness brotherly affection, friendship, brotherly love " - 2Pi 1.5-7

During these thirteen years in the wilderness, I never abandoned my God . Although I knew that crying and sleeping, with the exception of times when I had to work for a living, the Lord has been faithful to his promises. He consoled me because "God does not despise a broken and contrite heart" - Psa 51.19

A final lesson I want to talk about is the need for commitment, we must make the choice to live for God. I did not know you could die of grief before the experiment . One Sunday morning I was at church and suddenly I could not hold my head up, I had to lean on the shoulder of my neighbor and I can still hear him say: "If I fall, let me down I felt myself dying, it was as if life was leaving my body. Suddenly my heart began to beat very hard, so unusual, and it is as if the Lord told me: "Who does your heart beat? ..." I said, "You, Lord."

I knew from that moment that I had to make a choice: to die or live . So I made before God, choosing to live and I pledged to live for God.

The Lord then gave me direction for my life. These verses have become my new course: "Blessed be the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that through the comfort we ourselves subject from God, we can comfort those who are in affliction " - 2Co 1:3-4

From this experience, the Lord has opened doors for me. I was retired. I had a lot of availability. All round, I worked at New Life Action Group. I grew to love and to put my gifts to serve the Body of Christ . Subsequently, I got the healing and received my new identity in Christ. I had to do out of the shadows. The Lord wanted me to testify and that I share my recovery first in Christian circles. For two and a half years, I volunteer at the listening service for the Department of Contemporary Women in the New Life Church, and, recently, I lead the group Vase Restored for women.

Finally, on Friday evening, I head the group of intercession "Parents in Prayer" during the youth meeting. The Lord has promised a multitude of children and grandchildren and I am filled spiritual.

True to my way of learning, I enrolled in the Bible Institute of Quebec to be trained in counseling. I love academia because they will rub shoulders with people who want to excel and excel in their service.

Studying at the IBQ, is it only the preserve of young people? ... My answer is no.
I am aware that the university does not attract all Christians. Doing the work is challenging and requires intellectual dispositions, but also money. Many students prefer to register as auditors. But I maintain that the age should not be a handicap for any Christian, if his desire is to study the IBQ

God can teach us other ways, but we must be faithful to our daily appointments with our Lord. This is where we can feed our faith: reading, meditation, study, memorize and apply the Word of God is necessary if we want to grow and enter into the plan for